We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
