I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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