walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.