why didn't you poke me back
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.