i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...