It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
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Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.