she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.