Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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