do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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