Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you win again, gameday.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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