you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
