I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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