Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize