Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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