Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
