I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
