would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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