Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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