So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
