I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
