I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
