there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
