i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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