Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
