you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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