The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
