sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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