so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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