Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
