some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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