she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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