We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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