her vagine was all disorganized.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He did a backflip because drugs
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
