Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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