hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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