I think I died a long time ago.
barbara walters just said penis...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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