I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
