it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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