I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
