Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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