I love black thongs
Girls should come with a carfax report
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
