i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
