yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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