i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
