Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Randomize
