I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
