He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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