he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
