Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
