so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
