Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
