it was like eating out sand paper
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
