i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
