Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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