just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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