New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
