What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
