I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
im calling her cock vulture from now on
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
