I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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