Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
