Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
