Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
