This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
