Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
