Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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