I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
