he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
