Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
