you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We are all done wearing pants today
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
