You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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