meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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