She is in my trunk
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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