it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
