Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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