We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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