i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
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I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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