so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
