Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
